Grammar Grump: only
I should confess right off the bat that I am somewhat particular about language. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a good made-up word or that I behave unreasonably in the company of those who don’t share my affliction. What I do find irritating, though, is when people’s intended meaning is hog-tied by their syntax because they don’t care or know enough to get it right. This leaves me to wrestle with what it was they really meant to say, and most of the time I can manage quite well with that. But my point is why should I have to?

My current favourite error is the misplaced modifier only. In fairness, this misplacement is so commonplace that it is not really looked upon as an error any more. It’s generally accepted that, as long as the meaning is clear and the syntax is not clunky, you can go ahead and shove only between pretty much whichever two words strike your fancy. And most days I’m willing to go along with that.

However, there are times when it just won’t do. Precision is a big part of clear communication. You really shouldn’t be saying I only talked to Wayne at Susan’s party unless you intend to limit the verb. In other words, talking is the only action that occurred between the two of you--none of that other stuff, like listening to, macking on, ignoring, happened at all. If, as I suspect, you really meant to say that you talked to Wayne and no one else, then you need to use only to limit the object of the verb, Wayne. Saying I talked to only Wayne at Susan’s party makes that meaning clear.

Not convinced? Compare:
1. Only his penis was small. meaning: only limits his penis; i.e. nothing else about him was small, but his pee-pee was a wee-wee; depending on which word is stressed, this construction could also mean that his penis and no one else's was small
2. His only penis was small. meaning: only limits penis; i.e. he has just one penis, and this modification of the noun penis indicates some surprise that the appendage has such a lonely existence
3. His penis only was small. meaning: only limits his penis; i.e. same as #1 but not as immediately clear in meaning; use #1 instead
4. His penis was only small. meaning: only limits small; i.e. his penis wasn’t green or sparkly or befuddled ; its smallness was its defining characteristic
5. His penis was small only. grammatically incorrect; the adverb only should precede the adjective small that it modifies

I’m only sayin’...
- posted by Sandra Smith @ 2:09 AM